Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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