she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
