If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
