I wish I could teleport
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
