even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
