So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
