just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize