now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize