How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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