Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
