I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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