how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
