when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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