So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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