no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
