Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
