A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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