I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
