"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
