Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
