Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
