I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I smell like Dick and happiness
And then he peed in my hair
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