I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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