TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
