This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
