Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
