oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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