Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
