bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
