So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
