I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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