Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
