I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize