According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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