So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
