Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
