NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
