Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
