I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
