i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
