How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
