I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
