Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
