I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
