Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize