Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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