omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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