you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's never too late to be topless.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
