He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize