If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
