it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
