Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
