Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
