i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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