it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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