First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
