Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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