someone get that fucking seahorse.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
