u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Randomize
