we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
