Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
