Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize