i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
