my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
