Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i drank out of a bidet.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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