It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
