Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
