I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
