Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
