East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
