You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
