If i come over, it means nothing
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
