Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
