ya dads aren't the best wingmen
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
