On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
