girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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