My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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